Morning Apps


What’s your number? 

No, I don’t mean your cell phone number.

I’m talking about your “Morning App” number.

“What the heck is that?” you might ask.  Well, I’ll tell you.

It’s a rating of the number of apps on your smart phone/tablet that you use in the morning before you get out of bed.

Yes, before you get of of bed.

It’s not the number you use before noon.  You must be in bed and not yet dressed, coffeed, showered, brushed, primped or preened.

Much like your “sleep number” (I’m sure there’s a trade mark there so I hereby acknowledge that and state that I don’t own that phrase – hint hint please don’t sue me), I’m proposing a “Morning App” number.

It’s a way to separate the power users from the casual techno-wannabes of the world.
So, here’s my proposed scale.

1 = 0 apps — “What’s an app”?  Nuf said. These are the people that still think cell phones are just for making phone calls.

2 = 1 − 2 apps — Casual user.  You know what an app is, but you still actually have a life.  You text a bit, might browse the web, but Angry Birds are more likely to crap on your car than be on your phone.

3 = 3 − 5 apps — Solid “techno” user.  You use the device to monitor your life and keep track of most things.  However, you still can lay claim to some sense of reality…The Sims is reality…right? 

4 = 6 − 9 apps — Whoa there buster.  You not only use apps for just about everything, but you check your Facebook Wall before saying “Good morning” to the person sleeping next to you.

5 = 10 or more apps — Chances are you don’t have enough life to have a person sleeping next to you.  However, if you are one of the few that does, you text them to say “good morning”….right after you turn on your coffee maker with an app.

Personally, I think that it would be a great service to people to know what their “morning app number is”.  

Why?

Well for general personal compatibility reasons if nothing else.

Me?

I’m happy to report that I’m a solid 3.

First app I use…well…the clock on my phone.  It’s my alarm.  Wakes me up in the morning.  Gotta hit the snooze button a couple times.

Second, once the snooze cycle has ended, I tend to check the Weather Channel app to see what the day is looking like.  Lately it’s been more along the lines of looking to see if it’s going to be a normal day or if it’s going to snow in Wisconsin, in May, and really PISS ME OFF!!  No, I’m not bitter about the cool spring we’ve had.

Third, yes (hangs head in shame) I glance at my email.  No I’m not proud of this.  Yes, I’ve tried to break myself.  But I just can’t do it.  There.  I’ve admitted to it.  That’s what, the second step in dealing with a problem?

Fourth, I’ll glance at my calendar and see what fun awaits me at work for the day.

Fifth, (and this is very rare so it barely counts) but I might play a game of sudoku just to get my brain going.  Yes, I haz mad sudoku skillz.

That’s really it.

Pretty simple and straight forward, but yes, I do all that on my phone before I get out of bed.

The day used to be that people would roll over, smash the alarm clock and either go back to sleep or stare at the ceiling.  Maybe even have a conversation with their “someone”.

No sir.  Not today.  Today we can play FarmVille (yes another trade mark…blah blah, ownership not mine…blah blah, don’t sue me…blah blah) as soon as we wake up. Never mind actually talking to the person next to us.  

My wife and I have reverted to grunts and other guttural sounds in the morning.  No conversation before we are out of bed.  I tried that once and let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty.

So, if I have something to say in the morning that needs saying, let’s just say that I’ll be texting her and risking moving my number up to a 4.

So what’s your number?  

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