Things that should NEVER be

As I wandered around the internet this past week, I ran into an article that offered proof the marketing and technology worlds have collided in a “not so great way.”

But first, you need a little back ground on the setup of public men’s restrooms.

Yes, you heard that right.

For the past dozen or more years, the once solemn and quite domain of the men’s room has been inundated with advertising. Gone are the days when you could enter a men’s room and pee in relative quiet contemplation.

It started by putting up sports pages right in front of the urinals. That was actually cool. Gotta pee? Wow, the Brewers pitching is doing really well this year, but their hitting is lacking.

Some places actually put up news pages, and well, that just sucked. Last thing you want to do try and pee while staring at a headline about a triple murder.

This trend continued for several years, and it was limited to just the space in front of the urinals. But it slowly spread like that smell coming from the guy in the stall next to you.

Today, posters advertising everything from cologne to jewelry to Ruth’s Chris
Steakhouse (yes this is real) can be found covering the walls of the modern men’s room.

While I’m not opposed to this, some places just need to be left alone.

The last thing I want is to head into a restroom and be faced with a reminder that I need to have a prostate exam courtesy of the local health maintenance organization.

Really. There aren’t enough “nopes” for that one.

However, some enterprising company has decided to “up the ante” so to speak. (yes, read into that what you will).

Enter “The Urinal Gaming System”.

/shocked_Face = on

Take a minute and read that.

Urinal. Gaming. System.

Three words that should NEVER go together.

I ran across an article on this and as it turns out, some company has designed a gaming system where they install a small video screen in front of a urinal (replacing the aforementioned ad posters), and get this, you control the system by where you pee in the urinal.

. . .

Here’s a description. Folks, I’m not making this up.

“When a user approaches the urinal, the video console flips into gaming mode, using patented technology that detects both his presence and stream. Algorithms then allow the user to engage with the screen by aiming in different directions to test their agility and knowledge. The games are 100% intuitive and custom-built to provide a unique user interface along with an easy and seamless experience.”

Once I stopped laughing (nearly to tears) I realized they are serious about this and are getting ready to install it in a minor-league ball park.

I think the best thing you can do is click the link and watch the video in the article.

So I have three questions (well, I have LOT of questions here, but only three are really at the top of my brain).

#1. Is this fair? I mean really? Men are competitive. High Scores are a part of our lives. It seems that men with larger bladders and who can drink larger quantities of beer will have a distinct advantage here. I call foul. Next think you know we are going to be having bladder volume restrictions.

#2. What does this do to the “man code”? Guys you know what I’m talking about. You walk into a restroom and there are rules about the urinal you can take if someone is in there. What happens now when you walk in and some guy is wiggling around screaming at the urinal. In the past you think either kidney stones or herpes, and you quietly move as far away as you can. Now, you’re going to be thinking, “Hey, sounds like he’s got a hell of a score streak. I should check it out.” Awkwardness ensues as you check out the “player’s” technique and score.

Finally, #3. What about the ladies? I know several women who claim to be able to write their names in the snow. So where’s the female version?

Seriously folks. This is taking things too far. What if I just don’t want to play?  Is there an “opt out”?

Next thing you know they are going to Cloud-enable this so your “profile” follows you around to all the men’s rooms in the country.


It’s bad enough that some men secretly compare penis lengths in the bathroom. Now I have to worry about my high score too?

/Sad_face = on

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